In which I am not sleeping

Reason for not sleeping:

Worrying about getting Christmas gifts out and not exercising. 

In which I am called a Nazi and get to hold hands

Today was an interesting day. Not a bad one, but it sure started out that way. I woke up from some wonky dreams and had to take a good long shower.
When I made it downstairs, I found that our dog had stolen and eaten an entire pan of chocolate covered short bread cookies that I had baked the night before as Christmas presents. I was mad at him, and figured that he had already had enough food, so I put them in the crate with no food and headed off to work.

Currently, I'm watching an interesting movie called Cash Back. It's entertaining enough that you should watch it. It's so good that I don't really feel like I'm trying hard enough to write the things that I need to get out today.
My husband and I had a good day. He accepted a position as a production manager at the place he had been temping. This is making him feel really good, which is making me happy. He even voluntarily went to Costco and Target with me tonight.
We had the annual dive party, it was fun. I ate a bunch but not too much. I had a drink bought for me by an older friend that we don't see very often, that was unusual. My husband had a bunch of drinks including a wasabi 7 that sounded horrible. Because he was at the belligerent level of drunk, I got to drive him home  During the drive, he kept calling me a nazi for not letting him throw snowballs at pedestrians.
Overall, it was a fun night. I felt loved.

• My hubby was in such a good mood that he voluntarily went shopping with me. He even held my hand!
• He felt loved - I gave him lots of back scratches at the party

And I'm off to bed!

In Which I Try to Decode the Language of Love

I can't even write about the shit show that was last night... Maybe later.

One of the things that I've been thinking about lately is the difference between how my husband and I express love. So, while I'm not sleeping tonight, I thought that it would be fun to clearly define ways that make me feel loved.

• When making your way home, ask me if I need anything from the store. If I do, get the stuff without complaint.
• Pick out something from the store that you think I would like - then surprise me with it. It could even be something like "Look honey, I got you this jar of peanutbutter, I know it's your fav!"
• Do chores around the house for the sole reason that you know that I am a busy lady and you want to help out and take care of me.
• When I'm upset, fix me food or a snack. It's not the type of food that matters, it's the "I want to take care of my wife" mentality that makes a sick person feel better.
• Write down that you love me and occasionally give them to me.
• Take the initiative to fix some of our problems, personal or household. I guarantee I will be proud of you .

I see a theme here. 

In Which I Questioned the Innerworkings of Celebrating

What do you call it when you try to show your husband the project that you have been working on this semester (Yeah, I might be proud of it) and instead of admiring it, he doesn't look at it, has no enthusiasm about it and then begins strumming a ukalale (hardest word to spell ever) when you try to talk???
I can tell you that my heart that was excited and happy rippled and a little piece tore off and traveled all the way through my stomach and to the floor. I felt heartbroken and dispassionate and defeated. I'm pretty sure that there is a word for this feeling, I'm just not sure what it is.
Before I lost that piece of my heart, I was so proud of my project! I felt like I was really getting the concepts and expressing them all by myself. Other groups had teams for their projects, but not me. I wasn't able to relinquish enough control for a team to happen.
This project has given me the feeling that I can finish my program and make it rock. The only problem will be if I have to celebrate my accomplishments alone.
I have my husband, I want him to be happy with me, To celebrate with me. I've finished my 1st semester at grad school. I want to celebrate me! How often do I actually say that??

The fact that my husband played his computer games and ignored me all night until he decided to go to bed and pulled me away from my stuff; let me know just how much my hard work didn't matter.

• This makes me mad
• It hurts my feelings
• It makes me feel sick
• It makes me feel less
• It makes me feel judged
• It makes me want to cry and not share my excitement with him.

Me feeling excitement > Me sharing stuff with my DH

Vulnerability = Pain